A month or so (or more) ago, I decided I needed new bedding. I’d had mine for almost three years and had decorated my room around it. While I had loved it muchly, it was dry-clean only and has seen better days. I decided to switch from red to a purple theme and began browsing the Internet. This involved sending tons of links to Thas for her input and we both enjoyed a set I’d found from JcPenney. It was reasonably priced but, the indecisive shopper that I am, I wasn’t sure I was going to buy it after all.
The very next night, I got their newsletter in my inbox and it was all “OMG Cole, crazy sales! Check it out!” And I did because who can ignore that?! The sales were indeed crazy. Reduced prices meant I could buy the comforter set, a pillow and sheets (black satin!) and get free shipping for just about $100. So I did.
After some mix-up where my stuff shipped to the store instead of to home (why would I use that free shipping coupon then?), I was soon requesting the help of my sister to make my new bed. It’s a pretty sweet set-up and feels fairly luxurious. Satin sheets definitely kept me cooler during our recent heat wave (and remind me to keep my nails and skin soft LOL). The cats like the new comforter better than my old one. I just need to have the old stuff dry cleaned so I can tuck it away in a box.
Oddly enough, the roommate thinks my bedding matches my (red) lampshades better than the old stuff. I quite like it either way.
AKA a list of non-toy-things that the cats effin’ love
- Milk hug rings
- The mattress
- Ties/strings on my shirts
These are just a few of their favorite things!
Yea, it sounds a little bit like a cup or a t-shirt but I’m not entirely sure that she wouldn’t buy me one. My little sister simply idolizes me. How much?
- Her favorite color is pink because my favorite color is pink.
- I had my hair cut so she had her hair cut.
- She plays games because I play them.
- She borrows my stuffies because they smell like me.
- And returns then when they stop smelling like me.
- She texts/calls/IMs me multiple times a day.
- She sobs every time we part from one another.
- Her hugs never end.
Sure, it’s cute. It’s also a bit suffocating. My life is so hard.
This weekend I attended my first geek convention. Wausau held its first ever convention — WausabiCon — over the weekend. It was a small gathering that didn’t have much advertising so the turn out was low. This is probably a good thing because, for the most part, there weren’t many panels or activities. Now, I don’t say this to be mean. It’s just getting started and it did give me a chance to get a feel for just what conventions are. It’s kind of hard to understand the whole thing on paper and, to be honest, even on paper, most conventions look pretty lame.
I purchased an awesome pair of striped, furzy cat ears, though, and my disappointment was without a price. There was never anyone at registration so I wandered around for free on Saturday and when the roommate went on Sunday, she did the same. Even though my time in the dealers room was cut short, I didn’t really see a point in going back a second day. Like I said, there wasn’t much there.
On the plus side, this makes me even more excited for Chicago ComicCon next month and perhaps even Daisho Con later in the year. Although WausaubiCon definitely leaned toward the anime side of things (I did attend a super interesting panel on Yaoi), I’m hoping either of those will be more balanced Still, it’s awesome to be among like-minded individuals. There was a fairly cute Doctor, with whom I took a picture (I looked awful, gah!).
So, while it didn’t blow my mind, it did open my eyes.
I am enjoying the new WordPress dashboard. It’s sleeker, prettier. It seems to load faster and the updated admin bar is much more useful.
I am not enjoying the heat. It’s not even that hot here but my room is the warmest in the house. I wake up sweating and, if I want to do anything more than sit on the couch (and even just to do that, really) I have to turn on the air conditioning. We have a single “window” unit built into the wall. Unfortunately, the roommate doesn’t ever get hot so she’s always turning it off, not understanding the concept is not just to cool you off when you’re in a room but to reduce the overall temperature over time.
I enjoyed a very busy Thursday through Saturday with friends and family and now I’m enjoying having time to myself. As I’ve caught up with most of the television shows that I watch and there aren’t any new movies for me to procure, I have more time for putzing online, entering giveaways, reading and playing games on my devices. It’s much more relaxed.
I seriously dislike stupid article rewrite requests. Lately, I feel as though people who have never used the Internet or a computer before are editing my tech beta articles. If we have to assume that the reader has a basic grasp of the subject, I would think we can assume the same of the editors but, nope. I am constantly explaining things that they should know before they even accept an article to review. It seems like they expect it to be easy but they’re wasting my time and theirs.
I am super excited over my recent giveaways at Reviews by Cole. My giveaway for the Medium Next Door was moderately successful, compared to previous giveaways but my Bath and Body Works giveaway hasn’t even been up a day and I have almost three dozen entries. It’s fantastic. I recently won a giveaway myself so that’s also exciting.
I’m frustrated at Goliath for constantly scratching at carpet next to my bedroom door. I don’t know why he does it but I do know that sprays don’t help. I have covered the area with paper and duct tape — duct tape — but he still tries to get at it. It’s stupidly frustrating and I hate being angry with him. Perhaps it’s time to try Soft Paws again..
And to end this on a positive note, I’ve had very good luck shopping for new clothes and finding clothes that fit. I feel pretty confident in that area and with my weight loss, even though I haven’t been pursuing it that actively. It’s reassuring either way.
Last week, I was arguing with Collin about rooting my phone, re-rooting, actually. I told him I planned on waiting because I knew the official Android update was on its way and Google it to show him. And you know what? It was all “TOMORROW YOU GET GINGERBREAD COLE” and I was all “TOMORROW I GET GINGERBREAD COLLIN.” Maybe I shouted, maybe I didn’t. All I know it this: I was tired. I was waiting for the management to show up for a previously-announced check, one that didn’t have me worried at all because everyone knows we only have two cats. 2. Dos. Deux.
And then Collin messaged and was like “You shouldn’t update cause it’ll make rooting harder. Rooot. Rooooot. Roooot. O hai, btw your update is out now!”
And so I grabbed my phone and checked for the update and, like oh my god, there it was. So I began downloading but it was taking too long so then I went and stood by the router. It still too long. I set my phone down and went and did stuff and, when I got back, it was locked and I realized this meant the download stopped because of my battery saver app. Fuck.
So then I unlocked it and didn’t let it lock again until the download finished but, lo and behold, the file was corrupt so I had to do it all over again. You guys, that’s totally unfair. So, during this whole thing, Wendy starts texting me on her break and she asks if the people have showed up and they totally hadn’t but by the time I sent “No” as a response, they did. The lady was in and out in thirty seconds–just like a man, I tell ya–and I was like “Wait, nevermind. They were here.”
So finally I decide to go to sleep but I can’t because I haven’t even had the chance to play with Android 2.3.3. I went up 1.3 versions, guys! So I let it install and freak out a little bit as it seems to get stuck on the “4G” screen but then it restarts a million times and zomg new stuff! I don’t want to write a review on it but there’s a few things I quite like:
- Different Sense buttons
- Skins for Sense
- The cool, colored notification bar when I’m on the phone
- Recent apps in the notification bar
- Frequently used apps
I have a few complaints. One, it reset my ringtones and I’m too lazy to fix that. Two, I don’t know how to work the alarm anymore. I went to hit snooze and woke up two hours later. LOL Three.. Eh, I don’t know about three. I’m sure there’s one.
Anyway, my phone seems to run a lot faster. And I finally got my damned Google Music invite. This is awesome. I’ve never had a phone that was cool enough to get updates before.
Birthdays are a great excuse to see people. So are movies. Geek conventions. Concerts. Graduations. All of which are on the agenda or have recently occurred. My summer is filling up quickly. Not in the “I’ll be doing something everyday” sense but in the “I’m doing a comfortable one or two things a week” category. Having time to see a variety of people without sacrificing the “me” time to do it–because my “me” time is important. I need time to at least try to wind down.
Oddly enough, I really hate giving you the rundown of “I did this and that.” Perhaps because I hate reading that. And I’m not so awesome that I can turn every event into a great story or post. Sometimes things are enjoyable but “you just had to be there.” My silence is not necessarily because of a lack of eventfulness. I laugh every day. My life is full of inside jokes. I am learning how to be social and trying to make sure that months don’t go by in between talking to or seeing someone. I am tacking classic books and movies one at a time.
And I’m still online enough to talk to all my wonderful Internet friends, to post on Facebook or Twitter, to check in on Foursquare–when I remember. I spend a lot more time forging connections to aid Reviews by Cole and sometimes I just don’t have much to post here. A week or two may go by before I realize that I haven’t posted. Yet, I don’t feel so badly about it. I always return. The people who matter do, too. When I need to blog, be it serious or light-hearted, I can.
Perhaps, once more, this has become my solace.
Father’s Day has been over for a few hours. I suppose I could feel relieved but I don’t, not really. Lately, not having a father has weighed on me more heavily than it has in the past. Certainly, as Father’s Day looms in the horizon and the commercials are all about loving fatherly relationships and the gifts that show your thanks, I have time to wonder what it would be like if I had ever had the opportunity to celebrate Father’s Day and if I ever will. Will there be a day when I have children of my own and I craft presents from infants to a man that I love? As they grow will we create home-made gifts together?
I can’t blame the people I love for taking their dads for granted because it should be something that you can take for granted. No one should be missing something so critical to development, to happiness, to life. Yet, here I am, lacking a father and more-or-less okay without one. It perhaps took some extra hard work on my part and I fight my tendencies to be sexist (after all, I could easily say that almost every male I have ever trusted has hurt me somehow) on a daily basis but I make the effort and I come out on top in spite of it.
Perhaps that’s all there is to it. To survive this, I control myself because I certainly can’t tell people to stop having fathers or companies to stop posting Father’s Day commercials. Some things just are what they are and, in the meantime, I’m okay.
You know when you’re falling in love and every song suddenly becomes a love song? You pick out a line or two or even just a few words, even if the song obviously isn’t a love song, and those words somehow come to represent your entire being because you cannot possibly concentrate on anything other than the feeling of falling?
Yea, that’s where I am.
Once upon a time, I would avoid the mirror. I’d run past, especially if I were naked. I’d force my gaze to stray from the areas I didn’t like. There wasn’t much that I did like. And it wasn’t just the morning routine that was disturbed by my self loathing. It was detrimental to my relationships. My self-consciousness infiltrated every area of my life in a way that others probably didn’t understand and maybe you can’t also understand unless you’ve been there, too.
Lately, as I’ve watched the pounds slowly melt off, as I’ve put on pants that I couldn’t wear for years, as I’ve shopped for clothes that actually fit, as I’ve found styles that accent my curves, I’ve been less reluctant to face what the mirror has to show me. I started with small steps. I
allowed forced myself to view a little at a time, then a little more. Now I can stand in front of the mirror in full. I suppose I have desensitized myself to the images that I had convinced myself were so vile before.
Now I see me in the mirror, every day, as I apply lotion. I see my skin, my hair. I see my shape, I see my scars, my marks, my blemishes. I don’t love it all but I don’t hate it, either, and that’s the accomplishment. I don’t flinch or run away. I am more or less at peace and, yes, sometimes even happy with what I see, with parts that I used to hate.
The difference plays out in my life. I walk taller, shoulders back with my chin up. I spend more time beautifying myself. I laugh more. I am less self conscious in public, which makes me less uptight in general. I am more open because I am not trying to hide myself for fear that someone may realize that I am not an attractive person or, rather, that I don’t find myself attractive.
All this confidence only pushes me to do more because I can see it, in those mirror images, that I am almost where I want to be.
I have decided to embark upon a mission and, that mission is to watch a whole bunch of classic, epic and well-respected movies. Y’know, the type that everyone should see before they die. Or before they turn 25. I started off with Blade Runner and This is Spinal Tap. I know! It’s a shame that I had yet to see them. My list includes such titles as
- Appocalypse Now
Dr. Strangelove Footloose Fast Times as Ridgemont High It’s a Wonderful Life
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
- The Godfather
- Rebel Without a Cause
Suggestions are welcome, as always. After this, I might just delve into some classic literature–although, that will likely take me much longer.
Well, not to you, dear reader. “Sorry” to the folks who might want to purchase advertising on this here site. You see, I won’t do it. It’s that simple. I have in the past put up one or two paid blog posts and I felt awful about it, even when paid blogging was my only source of income. Now that I have other income, I have absolutely no need to sell any sort of advertising on this site. I do some of that on Reviews by Cole. Really, advertising and paid blogging were a heavy focus of the blog. It has since shifted, ever so slightly, toward sponsored reviews and giveaways but the focus of this site, of this blog, has always been personal.
I come here to tell you how I feel, what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, where I’m at with life. Perhaps I have no one else to talk to, perhaps I just need to get something out. I put that here. It’s not always happy, it’s not always deep and it may not interest everyone but it’s always me. And you come here, hopefully, to connect with me not necessarily because of the content of the site but because of who is bringing you that content. As the official content bring (TM) of Her Realm, I just don’t feel like selling advertising will ever connect me with my readers, even if it gives me extra spending money, even if the advertising would be subtle and will be customized to fit my blog.
If you’re looking at this site and wondering if you might place a link, you can head to my other blog or someone else’s entirely. There are many bloggers who are selling advertising next to their life stories and more power to them. It’s just not my thing. Sorry (but not really).
P.S. If I tell you “No” and you persist, you’re a fucking douchebag.
So, if you have cats, they probably like to drink from tubs and sinks and puddles and God-knows-where-else even if the water dish is overflowing. I even have a friend whose cat will only drink straight from the tap so she keeps it dripping all the time.
Thus, I wasn’t surprised when I pulled back the shower curtain to see Phantom come waltzing up. I figured he was there to drink the tub water (eww, anyway). I was toweling myself off in the tub, as I like to do my dripping there and not on the rug when I feeel…
On my thigh. Shower and a bath. Thanks!
one upon a time there was a boy
who liked to play with many toys
and all day long he’d hack and code
barely stepping out of his abode
he had a new project every day
no one or nothing could get in his way
one night while he was fast asleep
an idea into his head engrained itself quite deep
the hours passed and the dream did fade
and the geeky boy slept until a bright new day
upon the morn, he woke with a start
an idea formed, embedded in his heart
he jumped from the bed, unawares of the time
reaching for the nearest device as he exclaimed: victory shall be mine!
as if possessed, he worked, wide eyed
this way and that the sparks flied
his hands moved as if afire
as he typed and clicked, built and wired
soon a miraculous form began to take shape
by this time onlookers had gathered, amazed
the boy stepped back and out of the dust, a figure loomed
it beeped and whirred, obscuring the moon
for he’d worked not just one day
this geeky boy had worked his life away
and as a hushed silence fell over the crowd
he turned to them, raised his arms and said aloud
Behold, my friends! See what I have wrought!
A giant, Mountain Dew and Android-powered, Optimus Prime, alien robot!
First, I lied to you. I’m writing this on Thursday to be posted on Friday because I don’t like to post more than once per day.
Here I was all excited to post my Got Done list and I sign in to blog about and I realize that I’ve already blogged. So, number one, I blogged. I wrote articles. I did laundry. I ran the dishwasher. I watched a movie. I charged and synced the iPod. I made food (mashed potatoes!). I took a walk. I came home and I dusted, cleaned the TV and laptop, put dishes away, cleaned the microwave and stove top and vacuumed the couch. Then I blogged again.
Oh, I also made a noose.
I don’t collect a ton of things nor do I have collections that really overrun my life. The collections I do have tend to have their own home but, if you get right down to it, there are some things that I’ve spent more money on than I may have realized and I don’t realize these things even as I buy more. If you’re My Captain, then you realize I’m talking about.. panties. Stupid word, by the way.
So, there you have it, I kind of hoard panties. And it runs in the family. I was just reading my cousin’s Facebook update about how she has 80-some pairs. “That’s ridiculous,” I thought and promptly avoided counting mine. Now, I don’t own 80 pairs but I own at least half that. That’s right, I own over a month’s worth of panties. Granted, they’re not all “every day” wear but that’s still a ridiculous amount.
It had gotten to the point where I was only wearing a handful because I didn’t even remember about the pairs in the back of the drawer. So I fished them all out and had a trying on and throwing out session and I still have upwards of 40 pairs less. I realized that not only did I have more panties than I could even recall but most of them actually fit (I seemed to go on a splurge right around the time I gained some weight so some sat in the drawer for that reason) and, no, I don’t really need to buy more despite whatever sale VS or Kohls is having.
At least my collection serves some use. I’m talking to you funny-shaped-spoon collectors!
Apparently, something went wrong with some Windows/Windows Live component the other day. I assume it happened when my display adapter last crashed because Windows Live Messenger also crashed. Unfortunately, nothing appeared too wrong on my end. MSN would open and I’d click to sign in and it would simply tell me it was unavailable. Super helpful, right?
The specific error message was 80040154 and a quick search brought up all sorts of pages that told me to register a specific DLL. However, the instructions didn’t work. Luckily, I’m a smart cookie so I went straight to fixing Windows Live Essentials from the Control Panel. This isn’t rocket science but, considering that almost 100,000 people found the recommended solution not helpful, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to write up a quick post about it.
I intended for today to be a lazy, do-nothin’ type of day. Yet, somehow, I feel accomplished. The plan was to stay in my pajamas for the few hours I’d be awake, do a little writing, catch a snack and go back to bed. While I still plan to hit the hay sooner than later (let me fill you in on a secret: it was already dark when I woke up today!), I feel as though I’ve already finished so much.
As I type this, I am winding down and watching a movie: The Nightmare Before Christmas (I’ve finally opened my collector’s edition–it’s only been over a year!). I wrote, rooted my phone, edited some final settings after my second Windows reinstall, put away laundry, showered and shaved and even cleaned the toilet. Combined with the cleaning I did this morning, I am some sort of awesome get-er-done robot. With boobs.
Perhaps I feel accomplished because I set out to do nothing and did anything at all. Regardless, it feels good and anxiety is low.
- you know the Konami code
- you have read enough fantasy that you can actually form battle plans in your head to help the hero
- you can name off the entire lyrics to at least 5 songs
- you have been to more than one convention
- you can drink an entire case of Mountain Dew without dying
- you have a 5-star rep on Xbox Live
- you void warranties on your devices before you leave the store/car
- you can name the history of any comic book her or villain
- you have ever written fan fiction
- you can discuss cats–or Cole’s cats–for at least five minutes
- You think Cole is the funniest person in the world ;)
You’re definitely Cole’s friend if you do dorky stuff that makes her smile.
I’ve never gone kite flying so I decided that this would be the year. I will buy a fancy kite or a kite that strikes my fancy and head to park on a windy day and try–or fail–to fly a kite. It doesn’t matter. Meaning is in the journey and all that. So here I am browsing the Internet for kites, figuring I’d find some pretty diamond one but, no, they all blow my damned mind!
I used to hate a lot of things. Or, at least, dislike many things. I used to look for the negative and find it quite easily. Let’s face it, finding the negative is almost always easier. It’s easy to look at the world with harsh eyes. But lately I’ve found myself using the phrase “I don’t hate it.” For instance, I bought this perfume and it was only $4 and even though it’s kind of weird and doesn’t last long, I don’t hate it. Success. In fact, I may have uttered a variation of that to Robyn when we were shopping.
I don’t hate it and nothing is permanent and that is good enough. Good enough? Who ever would have thought that the girl who likes things the way she likes them would ever settle for “good enough?” It’s not all of the time, I still have progress to make, but I have made progress and I have made it so well that I haven’t even realized it. I’m not straining everyday to be positive. Sometimes, I don’t need to even think about being positive; I just do it. Sometimes I accept that “I don’t hate it” is okay, that I don’t need to say “I love it” about everything.
Nevertheless, being relaxed is still a struggle most days. My anxiety and tendency to thinkthinkthink is ever-present. I sometimes slip back into my old habits and focus on how much more I need to improve instead of congratulating myself for the improvements I have made. It’s these sudden realizations of what I am doing or haven’t been doing that seem to boost my confidence and, as a result, ease my anxiety the most.
One thing that I have recently come to accept is that, no matter how much progress I do make, no matter how much I change the way I think, my anxiety is something that I will never be able to fully eliminate. It is something that I can manage but it is something that will always be there if I continue to go the non-medicinal route (and, to be honest, may still exist even if I do choose to go that route). I will never get a full reprieve from my anxiety but accepting that fact means I have far less anxiety about my anxiety (meta-anxiety?).
Less anxiety, in turn, means less insomnia. Or so I hope. It’s been ridiculously difficult lately. Luckily, I’ve stumbled across a few different apps for the Android and iPod that offer some sleep solutions. In fact, I used one last night that was terrific!
When asked what I was passionate about, I found it hard to answer and what I did come up with didn’t seem significant enough. The truth is, however, I am passionate about people and things that affect them: freedom and opportunity, tragedies–both natural and man-made, the every day things and the once in a lifetime chances. I think it would be appropriate to be compassionate and I could not tell you that I try because, the truth is, I try not to be sometimes. It’s all to easy for me to get swept up in despair because I cannot possibly help everyone or even know where to start.
To help alleviate this despair, I decided that I would stick to what I’m good at. Every day, I would make my loved ones smile and laugh and feel good about themselves and, in my head, these ripples of goodness slowly spread outward and perhaps, just maybe, touch every corner of the world. Nevermind that it’s a sphere.
And maybe along the way I will discover some way that I can contribute in more “significant” ways because I know that saying “I make people laugh” doesn’t exactly sound like ground breaking life’s worth. But don’t let me undercut what I do because I am damned good at it and if I died today, the people I loved would be sad because there life was better for having me in it, for having me to make them laugh.
And that is awesome.
Yet, sometimes, the reality for those who I can’t make laugh hits me like a ton of bricks. And I get angry. Or sad. Or a hysterical combination of both. Because I care. Because I am passionate about people in general, despite my sarcastic and biting sense of humor that may indicate otherwise. That is how I felt when I stumbled across the following:
There is a country where the leading cause of death of pregnant women is murder by a partner. In this same country, more than a million women were raped in 2008 and women are much more likely to live in poverty than men. Local laws don’t protect their right to bodily freedom and integrity; some rape laws even state that once a woman initially consents to sex, she doesn’t have the right to change her mind.
You may have caught on by now — yes, I’m talking about the United States.
average life span of a transgendered person is twenty-three years. The statistic is shocking, until it begins to make sense. Gender non-conformists face routine exclusion and violence. Transgendered people are disproportionately poor, homeless, and incarcerated. Many of the systems and facilities intended to help low-income people are sex-segregated and thereby alienate those who don’t comply with state-imposed categories. A trans woman may not be able to secure a bed in a homeless shelter, for example. Spade writes that just as the feminist movement tended to “focus on gender-universalized white women’s experience as ‘women’s experience,’” the lesbian- and gay-rights movement has focused primarily on a white, middle-class politic, centered on marriage and mainstream social mores.
The good news is, there is good news.
Google has stepped up and created a Person Finder page for those who may be missing in Japan. I personally clicked over and stumbled across an entry for someone looking for information about someone in Misawa. I left a little blurb to inform the poster than Misawa AB has reported no deaths or serious injuries. It’s really hard for me to read about what is going on over there right now. It just hits.. a little too close to home but I hope that I have helped.
And despite the political turn that has occurred, people like you and me are stepping up to help others. Like this Tumblr user who want to give rides to women in Virginia who require an abortion but must now travel out of state for the service. Or this user who says (and I paraphrase) “You know what? Abortion isn’t for me but I respect the life of the living as well as the yet-to-live.”
Pro-choice is not pro-abortion. Pro-choice is often far more pro-life than “pro-life” is. I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone who thinks abortion is just fantastic or the new perfect birth control, that’s not how it goes. If you really want a lower abortion rate, put your time and effort into education and health care (you know, programs like Planned Parenthood). No one has any right to tell a woman what to do with her body or anything that’s growing inside of it. No one has any right to put women in danger for a group of cells, especially a group of cells they will later ignore and expect to fend for itself.
– SkyWritingg on Tumblr
Also, this guy is awesome: